On books and the bookstore

Four months in and when I'm at work I find myself pondering how many and what kind of other mammals could be trained to do the work I do at the bookstore. It's merely the stacking and organizing of books for an 8 hour period. I know for a fact that baboons would be far more entertaining than I. For starters they have blue butts and fling they're own feces in any direction they see fit. Sometimes I imagine monkey's hurling religious fiction novels at anyone and everyone that came into the receiving area or better yet, a gorilla who with great concentration simply sat in a corner tearing single pages out of Dictionaries and Thesauri. Any of this would be more fun than a tall educated fella grumbling about meager wages and lofty goals...

....BUT in these trying economic times I most definitely consider myself lucky to have held onto this second job. It isn't fulfilling or stimulating, but it does aid in keeping me warm, fed and able to support the local brewers during this COLD winter that finally reached us in Montana. ( Last night we threw hot water into the air and watched it turn to snow!)

Daily, I help unpack the hundreds of boxes that come in from various parts of the country from distributors and publishers offloading their recent product. The cost of shipping alone is an amount I can't even imagine. Just from UPS we 50+ boxes a day ranging in size, and we're just a very small fish in a very big ocean of book sellers. Working in a bookstore that is part of a national chain has been super interesting if for no other reason than just to see what it is people are buying. The following are some observations I've made that amuse and interest me.

-I can now spot a religious fiction novel 50 yards away on a foggy night. The pastel colors, title just hinting of a biblical verse and simple but beautiful 30-somethings featured on the cover are dead give away by themselves, but put together the book is like a beacon proclaiming be good to thy neighbor, just don't look lustfully at them. When the local mennonites come in, they make a bee-line straight for these.

-Even if they had an infomercial air only once for 30 seconds on the food network you can bet they've come up with they're own cookbook. Every cooking personality ever is shown of a cover with a loving smile and a dish that they whipped up. The same dish will only take you hours of grief, a pinch of self doubt and a tablespoon of tears, but you too can cook just like the pro's. My favorite cookbooks are the one's "written by pseudo-celeb's who seem to be needing some extra cash and so therefore whip up their own version of "home cookin". The best so far is Trish Yearwood's "Georgia Cooking in an Oklahoma Kitchen".

-After the craze that was Harry Potter, it seems the only way to make a successful go at teen novel genre is to incorporate vampires into the story in any way possible. Even if you can forget the whole Stephanie Meyer's business, she is the lady who wrote the book/movie "Twilight", there's still heaps of lusty vampire smut for the kiddo's to read.

-The mere category of fiction still intimidates me. Not just the classics and well known books I haven't read, but the production of new books that will never end. Where does someone even start?

-Authors who choose to have they're picture put on the back of they're novel covering it all are an interesting breed. Where there's often acclaim or praise for his or her book, you instead only find he or she looking contemplative or mysterious as if implying by their gaze "You don't have the mental capacity to get this book. But it and prove me wrong!"

-To obtain the all esteemed "O" stamp, signifying the great Oprah's approval of your literary work and therefore inclusion into her bookclub is like having a zillion dollars put into your pocket. The books that she picks comes weeks in advance in large numbers and sell incredibly well. To be honest, I'd bet her stamp of approval has a greater influence these days than that of the National Books Awards whose 2008 winners can be found by clicking the link.

-If you would like to write a mystery, it is best to insinuate death very cleverly some how in the title. Personal favorite so far, "Santa Clawed" written by an author who likes to incorporate cats into her murder mysteries.

-Lonely Planet seems to be just about the only guide book series people buy these days. I'll admit they do cover just about every corner of land on planet earth with their books but you can get the same kind of info it gives just by showing up somewhere and asking the closest english speaking person (be it it local or foreign traveller) where the best place to eat is. In my limited experience, the "Let's Go" series is still superior in helping actually plan and figure out how to get around, and it's still obscure enough a label that the places it recommends won't send you to the same restaurant all the other hip backpackers/travelers are going to.

-My brother is right. Bill Bryson can write about anything he wants and people will continuously buy it.

-There is no shortage of people in this world who think they know how to fix whatever problem you may or may not have. If you'd like proof, just head to the broad Self Improvement section.


Recently I met a girl one night who just moved to Montana from New York after trying a stint in the publishing business working for one of the bigger publishers. What was most interesting was when she told me about the 2-3 hour long meetings she attended that concerned only color schemes for the cover of a single book.

I wish I knew exact numbers but the amount of books that get sent back to the publishers and distributors are fairly staggering. And it's not just books that aren't selling, but books that will be coming out in hard back soon, or books whose topic is all of a sudden less than popular. For example, unflattering opinions of Mr. Obama were recalled by the bushel load after his election. This makes the long meetings for color schemes and cover designs all the more interesting because like most other things concerning consumerism, it seems to be a flat out crap shoot. No one knows what is really going to do well or not and what those reasons are.