I've been having some hard days recently. Having finally settled down into a regular schedule, my brain has started to wander on to other topics and the bright happy side of everything new has dulled a couple of shades.
What I mean, in a round about way of saying, is that I'm missing Japan and my life there a great deal. I'm not just talking about the paycheck, the kids and/or my friends, but more so the culture.... my day to day life.
I'm starting to believe in this thing they call "reverse culture shock". We were all warned about it in various written handbooks and newsletters, but it seems like such a silly and trivial concept when you are busy packing your things and saying goodbye. I used to think it was just an excuse people used when they couldn't find a job or things didn't go their way after moving back, but now I'm being to think it is less that and more of the reason why things just feel off/amiss, everyday.
Being so busy the first weeks here in the states looking for jobs and a home I didn't have the time to think about my life in japan. That has changed. As I stand rolling dough, manning the ovens or sorting out books I am almost always thinking about things I miss.
Some of those "things" to are not the people, but more so situations. I was left very much alone in my work atmosphere over the past 2 years. Now, if I'm not quite as talkative or even seem a bit out of character I'll have several people ask me what's wrong...when all I want is just a quite work space or somewhere where I can tune everything out.
After living alone over the past 3 years I'm now sharing a house with 3 other people. All are great and super easy to get along with, but it's taking some time to become accustomed to having someone around all the time.
Work is another thing. I did well in finding the kind of jobs I was wanting to fill in this year long waiting period, but for whatever reason, I failed to consider the personnel one works with when it comes to part time gigs. Again, I think I lucked out as any situation can always be worse...but I have less in common with most of the folks I see day to day, and the "Your mom" jokes from the high school dropouts are starting to grate my nerves.
I think it's just gonna take time and patience. The later of which I've never been very good at in regards to myself. Mostly because if I'm not keeping myself in check...who else is.
Some friends of mine are traveling around asia for the next several months and in checking up on their blog I came across this post. This Luke guy they refer to....I kinda remember him, but at the moment I'm definitely not that guy.....and I miss that guy.
14.9.08
An excuse or the reason
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4 comments:
you'll get there brother. i'd imagine making that kind of adjustment would take some time. I'm still trying to get used to my coffeehouse being closed, so you can console yourself with the fact that at least you have a good reason to feel a little off track and not a sad one like mine. keep pluggin man. it'll get better
It's 3:45, Thursday morning in Japan. Can't sleep and actually thinking about my decision come February!!
Reading your entry is making me think.....
Whenever I went on trips, it was always coming back that was the hardest.
I'm sending you a great big Canadian hug from Higashi izumo!
Caroru
Dude,
It is time to update your blog. Love you.
PG
Bin there n' done the reverse culture shock thing... it's kinda like you were living and now you well... are still living, but it's less vibrant & the people are all less interesting than the people you had trouble communicating with back in the promised land due to the language barrier, not a mental barrier...
it does get better, but you'll probably never really feel as nested as you used to. At least, I never seemed to... so I left again.
You can always leave again later.
Say hi to real beef for me. Good fish says hi.
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